| In the beginning, people think vulnerability will make you weak, but it does the opposite. It shows you're strong enough to care. ~Victoria Pratt ~ |
| AUGUST II DEFENSELESSNESS |
Defenselessness Commentary: There are two sections to this practice. The first has to do with explaining yourself
to people who misunderstand you and who are going to keep that perception no matter what you say or do. And
the other has to do with the fear of self exposure, letting down all of your defenses, risking a broken heart and
allowing yourself to be the genuine article, you.
I was terrified that people might not understand my intentions. So I would go to great lengths to get people to
understand me, trying to fix their ideas about me by explaining myself into oblivion. But rarely did my
explanations ever rectify the misunderstanding. It was as if the more I explained myself, the more they would
twist my words into a noose and hang me with them. Often people actually thought they knew who I was or what I
was saying better than I did. I came to realize that often the person who misunderstands you is projecting their
experiences upon you, rather than seeing you as you.
Most of what we say to another is filtered through our past experiences. The psychological term for this is
“projection” and it is almost impossible to break through this ingrained way of thinking, unless the other is
willing. In many cases, people have wrapped you up, put you in a box and stuck a label on you. They believe what
they expect to of you, in spite of evidence to the contrary, especially when you have changed. Therefore it is more
productive for you to adopt the practice of defenselessness.
In practicing defenselessness, I explain myself once, clarify if necessary, and then stand firm on what I know to
be true about my intentions, without further explanations. Adopt the “K.I.S.S. Principle: Keep it short and
simple.” However, we risk infuriating the hearer, because we’ve taken away the ammunition they have used to
control us. (Please read books on non-violent, assertive communication to help you find ways to communicate in a
manner that retains your integrity and self respect.) If you truly want to heal, moving on from incessantly
defending yourself against people’s erroneous perceptions of you is essential.
The second part of Defenselessness has to do with daring to be you. To paraphrase Eleanor Roosevelt, “To try to
be someone else is being a second rate version of yourself.” As a child we often learn “defense mechanisms,”
survival tactics that we employ to mitigate punishment for not fitting into the family dynamic or with our peers.
We also learn, from being taken advantage of or from having our heart broken, to put up walls of emotional
protection. These things may work for awhile, but eventually they create a facade, rather than allowing you to be
real. You will not move forward in your healing practice unless you become a “first rate” version of the “real
you.”
Embarking on the terrifying journey into self-exposure means you are willing to have your heart broken again
and speak the truth of your heart, ready to suffer the consequences of breaking the mold of “fitting in.” But if we
are afraid of being ourselves we become stunted in our spiritual growth and never really follow the Divine Path
that was intended for us. Being yourself doesn’t have to be scary; all you have to do is be open, honest and
sincere. In order to learn more about being yourself, I recommend you read The Wisdom of No Escape, By Pema
Chodron.
Even though the world may have covered you up in a pile of pain, if you allow this pain to extinguish your inner
light, not only does this rob you of your destiny but leaves the world destitute of the beauty that is you
to people who misunderstand you and who are going to keep that perception no matter what you say or do. And
the other has to do with the fear of self exposure, letting down all of your defenses, risking a broken heart and
allowing yourself to be the genuine article, you.
I was terrified that people might not understand my intentions. So I would go to great lengths to get people to
understand me, trying to fix their ideas about me by explaining myself into oblivion. But rarely did my
explanations ever rectify the misunderstanding. It was as if the more I explained myself, the more they would
twist my words into a noose and hang me with them. Often people actually thought they knew who I was or what I
was saying better than I did. I came to realize that often the person who misunderstands you is projecting their
experiences upon you, rather than seeing you as you.
Most of what we say to another is filtered through our past experiences. The psychological term for this is
“projection” and it is almost impossible to break through this ingrained way of thinking, unless the other is
willing. In many cases, people have wrapped you up, put you in a box and stuck a label on you. They believe what
they expect to of you, in spite of evidence to the contrary, especially when you have changed. Therefore it is more
productive for you to adopt the practice of defenselessness.
In practicing defenselessness, I explain myself once, clarify if necessary, and then stand firm on what I know to
be true about my intentions, without further explanations. Adopt the “K.I.S.S. Principle: Keep it short and
simple.” However, we risk infuriating the hearer, because we’ve taken away the ammunition they have used to
control us. (Please read books on non-violent, assertive communication to help you find ways to communicate in a
manner that retains your integrity and self respect.) If you truly want to heal, moving on from incessantly
defending yourself against people’s erroneous perceptions of you is essential.
The second part of Defenselessness has to do with daring to be you. To paraphrase Eleanor Roosevelt, “To try to
be someone else is being a second rate version of yourself.” As a child we often learn “defense mechanisms,”
survival tactics that we employ to mitigate punishment for not fitting into the family dynamic or with our peers.
We also learn, from being taken advantage of or from having our heart broken, to put up walls of emotional
protection. These things may work for awhile, but eventually they create a facade, rather than allowing you to be
real. You will not move forward in your healing practice unless you become a “first rate” version of the “real
you.”
Embarking on the terrifying journey into self-exposure means you are willing to have your heart broken again
and speak the truth of your heart, ready to suffer the consequences of breaking the mold of “fitting in.” But if we
are afraid of being ourselves we become stunted in our spiritual growth and never really follow the Divine Path
that was intended for us. Being yourself doesn’t have to be scary; all you have to do is be open, honest and
sincere. In order to learn more about being yourself, I recommend you read The Wisdom of No Escape, By Pema
Chodron.
Even though the world may have covered you up in a pile of pain, if you allow this pain to extinguish your inner
light, not only does this rob you of your destiny but leaves the world destitute of the beauty that is you
| REPEAT ASPIRATION EVERY DAY FOR 7 DAYS WEEK 3 ASPIRATION: Today, I aspire to apply the K.I.S.S. Principle in my communications with others. SUPPORTS ~DAY 1~ Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much. ~ Robert Greenleaf ~DAY 2~ I'm never forced into a stance of having to explain myself. ~Ken Lauher ~DAY 3~ Never explain yourself. Your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe it. ~Belgicia Howell ~DAY 4~ Make of your life an affirmation, defined by your ideals, not the negation of others. ~ Alexander Haig ~DAY 5~ Have your awareness in Defenselessness – requires no need to persuade others. ~Unknown ~DAY 6~ ...what is most important to me must be spoken...even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood... ~Audre Lorde ~DAY 7~ REST AND REVIEW Now, without judgment review your week. This week I was able to “Keep it short and simple.” Now breathe in how it felt not to have to explain yourself, with the wish: May everyone feel the power on standing firm on who they are without explanations. Now, look at your short-falls. This week there were times when I feel back into the habit of explaining myself too much. Breathe in your pain of having to defend yourself against others. Now, breathe out the wish: May all those who feel defensive be spared from this feeling. Feel free to use your own words in this practice. |
| REPEAT ASPIRATION EVERY DAY FOR 7 DAYS WEEK 4 ASPIRATION: Today, I am willing to be me without worrying rather or not people will accept me, as I am. SUPPORTS ~DAY 1~ In the beginning, people think vulnerability will make you weak, but it does the opposite. It shows you're strong enough to care. ~Victoria Pratt ~DAY 2~ Be yourself. No one can ever tell you, you're doing it wrong. ~Unknown ~DAY 3~ The individual point of view is the only point of view from which one is able to look at the world in its truth. ~Ortega y Gasset ~DAY 4~ The worst prison would be a closed heart. ~Pope John Paul II ~DAY 5~ The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open. ~Chuck Palahniuk ~DAY 6~ We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy. ~ Walter Anderson ~DAY 7~ REST AND REVIEW Now, without judgment review your week. This week there were many times when I was able to just be me without worrying about what other people thought about me. Now breathe in how this feels with the wish: May all peoples learn to power of just being themselves. Now, look at your short-falls. This week there were times I put up barriers, hiding myself from others. Breathe in the pain of having to hide yourself away. Now breathe out the wish: May all those who feel they have to hide themselves from others be spared from feeling afraid to be who they are. Feel free to use your own words in this practice. |
| Lakota Prayer Wakan Tanka, Great Mystery, teach me how to trust my heart, my mind, my intuition, my inner knowing, the senses of my body, the blessings of my spirit. Teach me to trust these things so that I may enter my Sacred Space and love beyond my fear... |
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