"Suffering is an option." I was thunderstruck. I came upon this quote around the time I had just completed
eight years of psycho-therapy for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and had finally got a “clean bill of mental
health.” I had finally come to terms with past traumas: The sexual assault, and the childhood abuse. I felt on
top of the world. Everything in life was going my way and I was finally living the life I had believed I was
destined to live. Then just like that... I became ill with an auto-immune disease which was attacking my
central, peripheral, and autonomic nervous systems. It seemed that all I could do was watch my body fall
apart piece by piece.

I suppose I searched for meaning to life around the age of 14, but before I entered therapy I became very
serious about trying to find the answer as to  “why me?” The search began with a study of different major
and minor religions. I poured through these pages, looking for common threads. Then I tried on the power of
positive thinking, hoping this would undo my pain. When that didn’t answer my question I turned to the Carl
Jung to study the nature of Archetypal Meanings. I studied the ancient healing practices of alchemy,
symbolism, homeopathy, and what ever else my mind could hold. After twenty years of research
the answer as to “why me” was still just as elusive as my healing seemed to be.

Before my illness and during my research I became a Sexual Assault Facilitator and I also indoctrinated
new volunteers at a Women's Crisis Center. I was getting my writing published. I excelled in college
carrying a 3.8 to 4.0 grade average in college, majoring in literature with a minor in psychology. I was two
classes from two degrees, when I became ill. Nevertheless I continued my research but this time my major
was  the nature of suffering.

After 20 plus years of searching, I never found out a concrete answer as to why all of this happened to me,
except that when I came to the end of the testing I was diagnosed with
a multiple neurological illnesses as
well as muscle skeletal illnesses, and in 2011 I found out I also have and untreatable form of
 multiple
sclerosis. However, I came to realize the most important thing I could do with my life was to share all I had
learned with others, giving them some sort of advanced recognizance into things that could help one deal
with suffering.

Therefore, I decided to devote the rest of my life to supporting and encouraging other Wounded Souls. I
became a Reiki Master and an Ordained Minister to help achieve that goal. I found it really doesn't matter
if the pain was caused by illness, physical, or sexual abuse, or oppression, and was acutely experienced on
how these things experiences causes wounds to the soul, or also called “embedded pain.”  With the help of
Medical Professionals and if necessary psycho-therapy, as well as what I call “Practice,” I found that one
can live a life of meaning, even if they don’t understand the meaning of "why".

Throughout the 20 plus years of research, I compiled all of the teachings which supported me in movement
and Loving-kindness, and developed “The Mending Wings Healing Practice." Below are the basic
principles I found in my research, which help people to heal their Wounded Souls.  I created  the below an
anagram to give you an image of what this web site is about, which is also the essence of  the “Mending
Wings Healing Practice.”

My Journey


Laughter is the helium of the soul. Of course you get angry, frustrated, and depressed. These
emotions are an integral part of Wounded Soul. However, you don't have to let these emotions
become a weight in your heart.  You can acknowledge them, listen to what they are saying,
then release them like a balloon into the sky. Develop a healthy sense of humor about things
that upset you. For example: I used to get very defensive when someone would say to  me,
"Well, you don't look that sick." Now I just kind of laugh and say,"Well, thank goodness, or I
would have to take a job in the horror movies." Laughter gives your heart over to the sky.

Openness has new eyes. We are not going get to another body, but we don't have to see the
world through our pain. We can look at the world through the eyes of our heart. They will
show us that beauty and goodness surrounds us every day. I have a little practice I preform.
Whenever life presents me with something wonderful, I unobtrusively tap my chest three times,
as a reminder to take it all in. Thereby, making beauty part of me, and reminding me I am a
part it.

Victories are for heroes. People have climbed Mount Everest, which is an enormous feat of
strength and stamina. For those dealing with pain, just climbing out of bed in the morning can
be our Mount Everest. Every time you face your Wounded Soul with courage, you are a hero.
Every time you show kindness to another to spite your illness, you are a saint. Every time you
live up to your potential for this day, you are admirable. Healing our souls is a journey  into
courageousness. You are a champion, an inspiration, a hero, each day you rise.

Integrity is the rooted in self-esteem. Stand tall (even if you can only do it figuratively). No
one can take yourself-respect, unless you hand it over to them. Live your convictions, (just not
to stringently). The willow sways       in the wind, but doesn't give up her sense of self. She is
rooted in her convictions, yet gives herself some room for movement. Don't  be broken by what
others think you should feel, or for that matter who they think you should be. A life of integrity
means being genuine, being true to yourself, and being real. Integrity is rooted to our mental
health.

No is the perfect answer. Setting healthy boundaries in our relationships is essential in our
ability to function. Remember, one may possess unconditional love, but no one can have
unconditional relationships. Setting healthy boundaries alleviates stress, and sustains well-
being.

Gratitude is the antidote for bitterness. No doubt there are many things in the life of the
Wounded Heart, for which we would not be thankful. However, if one looks around them there
are more things than we realize for which we can give "thanks." One can be grateful for
anything from pain medication to someone's act of kindness It may be  impossible for us to
reciprocate in kind for a person's help, but one can always say "Thank you."  Meister Eckhart
once said, "If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, that is enough."
"Thank you," is the antidote to resentment.

Knowledge diffuses fear. Know your illness, the pain from your past and how it could
impact your life. Do as much research as possible, in order to abate your fears and to enable
yourself to have intelligent conversations with your medical professionals and therapists. When
you are advised to have tests done, or to undergo some type of treatment, or even to try a new
medication, ask questions, do research, know to what you are agreeing. Knowledge empowers
you to make the right choices for yourself. You are the expert on your body, become an expert
on your emotions, as well.

Internalizing vaporizes energy. Contrary to some popular beliefs, this website does not accept
to the theory that one "thinks themselves into being sick," nor do we agree that we become
victimized by our negative thoughts.  When Dalia Lama was asked (paraphrasing here) "What
would you say to those who say people's thoughts cause them to become ill?" The Dalia Lama
replied, "Don't be so simple minded. It is much more complicated than that." We believe, YOU
ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ILLNESS. However, YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE TO
YOUR ILLNESS. Internalizing blame, only  increases one's suffering and zaps your strength.

Now moves us into the future. The past is over. This moment is all you have. The only useful
way to"kick yourself" is if you are doing it to "jump start" change. It doesn't matter what you
have done; what matters is what you are doing NOW. Every day you can start fresh, this
moment this hour, this day, you can change, and do things differently. Learn from your
mistakes and move on. Movement is the key to self evolution. You can never change the past,
but you can change tomorrow right NOW.

Dogmatism is a ravening wolf. Often the mind is always on the prowl. Thoughts move
through it like clouds pass on a summer breeze. Our minds often creates a system of ideas
based upon insufficient evidence, which is Dogma. The mind has to stay busy and often does
this by making up stories about us. It will tell us we are "worthless," "we asked for it," or an
even call us an "idiot." The mind can be like a ravening wolf seeking our weaknesses to sink
its teeth into, enabling it to devour our self-esteem. But we can use this same "mind" to  
combat these negative thoughts, by using a process called, "stop thinking." One literally can
stop these thoughts dead in their tracks. Instead of succumbing to those "wolf-thoughts," one
can stop them  with words like, "thinking."Thereby, reminding  yourself that thoughts are just
thoughts. Use whatever word which is comfortable  to you to stop these stories from escalating.
The truth is just because you think something, doesn't make it true.

Nurturing is nectar of balance. My friend, while going through chemotherapy, said that she
now looks at her cancer as "crisis-tunity,"  because it helped her to realize what was really
important in her life. It is easy, in this hectic world, to spend most of our time "getting things
done," which can cause us to  forget we were created for happiness. In the midst of life's
chaos, we end up becoming "a human doing" rather than living as "a human-being."
Somehow we forget that joy IS a priority. Like  a nectar to a bee, nurturing sustains us with
some sense of sweetness during relapse  and like a fragrant flower it refreshes during the pain.
Even though we do have to get things done, look for ways  to nurture yourself, in some way,
every day. Self care brings balance to the pandemonium of illness.

Expectations  are fishhooks in the mind. Getting hooked unto an outcome only exacerbates
emotional suffering. We can feel that we have been betrayed by our bodies. We often feel let
down by people's reactions to us. Woundedness makes one realize how little control over life
they actually possess.  It is difficult to do,  but as much as possible, let go of what you think you
should be able to do, or for that matter, how you think someone else should react to you. One
of the hardest thing for me to do was "accept what had happened to me." I have since learned
that acceptance is not acquiescence, it is reality. Nevertheless, I can still live up to my  highest
potential each day. I've learned to practice "catch and release." When I feel myself getting
caught up in expectation, I remove the hook from my heart  by letting go of my illusions, and
let my disappointments swim down stream.

Spirituality is our stairway to strength. It is a tenant of 12-Steps that a person cannot gain
power over their addiction without the help of a Higher-Power. The same is true for dealing
with a Wounded Soul. We end up realizing that we have less control over their lives than we
thought. But somewhere out there, or inside here is a miraculous strength. It seems to come
from out of thin air, and lift us just when we thought we would never rise again. It is  
important to stay connected to your Higher Power. It is your strength, your hope, and the part
of you, you need the most.

Support is synonymous with wings. When I saw a television program about Michael J. Fox,
I was inspired to start this website. A bell went off when he said that his support system was  
the key to his positive outlook. It made me realize that support for the chronically ill and
wounded heart is often unavailable for some. Woundedness can make one feel isolated, and
lonely. It can bring us to the brink. So, I decided to use the Internet as a way to lend support to
people who need it while dealing with their illness. So, here we are, with open and
compassionate hearts, offering all who come to us, lovingkindness and support.
"Each of us was born with wings…(and) has the ability to go farther than
we ever thought possible, to do things beyond our wildest imaginings."
~Barbara Stanny~
The Basic Philosophies of
A Gossamer Heart
A Gossamer Heart
(the mending of wings)
"A Dragonfly's Life"

MENDING
WINGS
PRACTICE
LOVINGKINDNESS